…analyzing of two HBO documentaries. Honestly, I’m sad now I’ve watched them.
As some of you may or may not know I studied sociology in college when I was studying child care. It’s very interesting how society works and quite frankly fails to. Anyhow tonight I watched a documentary on suicide and another one about a serial killer. What’s interesting aside from the psychological perspective is that society has failed to really deal with people who wish to end their lives and those who wish to end others. I know its Sunday still for a lot of you but here it’s Monday so therefore I feel a little better talking about this rather on a day which should be carefree and full of love.
Can you believe someone commits suicide every 17 minutes?
This is terrible. Suicide has no bias on gender, ethnic race, or social class. Another interesting thing the documentary talked about is why people end their lives. It appears that the part of the brain which deals with decision making is possibly under influence of the effects of being modified chemically by a process called methylation. This process can shut down the part of our brains that deal with emotion. It explains why so many people who commit suicide don’t really care if their actions effect the ones that love them. They have tunnel vision if you will.
The documentary also talked about those that do care but feel they have no other choice – and in fact, one mother who tried to commit suicide, but failed, said that she thought everyone’s life, including her 11 year olds son, would be better without her. Poor sweetheart. Ironically her father had committed suicide and she said she used to be really angry about that but since her depression she kind of understood what it felt like to feel there was no other choice.
It was powerful stuff to watch. I suppose we like to sweep these things under the carpet and not talk about them but as you know I’m forever looking around and observing life and I know it’s not all cup cakes and diamonds. Life is hard. As one person in the documentary put it, ‘dying is easy, living in harder.’ I think that pretty much sums it up. Either way I do hope the vital research continues into suicides so we can keep more people on this earth and give them hope!
So quickly onto this documentary about the serial killer called, ‘The Iceman’.
He was given 16 hours with a top psychiatrist (better late than never) and this is kind of text book. His father was an angry man who beat him, his mother was unloving also, and he witnessed domestic violence and started his killing spree with small animals and then, as an adult, began to kill people. He killed for various reasons but mostly it was because he either didn’t like the person or that person had humiliated in some way. Word of his remorseless killings found its way to the mafia who employed him as a hit man.
Over the course of the interview he came across as an everyday normal man, with a sense of humour – dare I say a pleasant man? But of course he was far from pleasant as he described some of his most horrific crimes. The sad conclusion of this man’s story is that he never had a chance. The psychiatrist concluded that much of the Iceman’s fearlessness when killing people and lack of remorse went back to his DNA and although some people had the fearless gene, many of them avoided killing and harming others because they were steered in a positive direction by their parents. But the Iceman had a terrible upbringing with unloving parents and so he was left to out his feelings by killing people – without remorse. The Iceman looked surprised and compelled by this, like no one had ever told him before. When the psychiatrist told him that others with the fearless gene had been raised in a positive way leading them to use their fearlessness as fighter pilots, bomb disposal experts etc – the Iceman seemed kind of sad that he had never got that chance.
I think the only thing we can conclude with this is whatever we pass onto our children via DNA we need to try and raise them as positively as we can. When they speak, or seem upset we need to stop and listen to why and act accordingly. The answer is not to get your hand up and slap them silly. Don’t get me started on that moron Kate (on the TV) with the multi-pack of children who thinks its okay to teach ‘no’ through slapping (have seen the pictures). I’m not talking about a little tap on the hand when they try and put the toothpaste in the DVD player and smile as you sit and explain why that’s not cool and eventually they get it. Children need rules but they also need a ton of love too. Why bother having them if you can’t afford patience? It’s tough – really it is. But my son knows my voice when I mean no – I don’t have to slap him around to make my point.
This evening he went into one of his ‘teen moments’ you know the kind when they just turn and don’t want to speak? So I let him have that then a few hours later I went into him room with a nice cup of tea and gave him a kiss and a hug. No drama. He’s happy. In fact that’s a question I ask him a lot – ‘are you happy?’ It takes a second to ask, but can lead to hours of conversation.
I get it. I understand.
I have those moments too. We both give each other time to calm down so the door is open for discussion. I’m not a new age mother either. Oh gosh, no. There are rules and there are ‘not on your life will you be doing that son,’ and occasionally there are arguments but TIME calms and cuddles and love HEAL.
I remember once when he was very small and he was driving me to distraction. I don’t even know now what he was doing but I was feeling very emotional. So emotional I locked myself in the bathroom. I sat and cried and thought I can’t do this single parent gig. It’s too hard. So I cried lots. In the end I was all cried out so I came out the bathroom only to find him much calmer and playing happily with his toys. An hour later we were cuddled up watching one of his favourite kid’s videos and laughing. Time calms and cuddles and love heal.
These two documentaries solidified these things – when things go wrong and when things have a chance to be put right. We can learn from the actions of others.
If writing this helps someone somewhere then I did my job as a human being which is to learn and pass on information. I’m not perfect but I try to learn and pass on what may help someone seek a positive outcome.
But for professional help go here.
http://www.samaritans.org/ (UK)
http://psychcentral.com/helpme.htm (US)
V x
